A sign

I decided to not go to my one class today (my dark circles had bags and those bags had bags) so I slept in a little. It wasn't until my dad busted into my room, all nervous and holding his bow tie, needing me to help him with it that I realized it was dreaming...and it wasn't exactly my favorite dream. But boy, was it real!

I guess I and the rest of my friends, mostly choir people, were in San Antonio and staying at a hotel similar to the TMEA situation where we were all kind of "neighbors." There was a rumor going on in the dream that there were people being killed in the hotel but no body would be found, they'd just disappear. We didn't think anything of it until me and two other girls were walking down the hallway to our rooms and bumped into another girl from our group. She said hi to the two other girls but not to me. I thought it was weird but didn't question it until we got to a mirror that was on the wall next to the elevator. I could see perfect reflections of the two girls but mine was distorted, almost like I was transparent. I moved around to see if it was just a spot on the mirror or something but it wasn't. I knew I'd been killed somehow and was now just a ghost. No one knew I was there because they couldn't see me and I guess they thought I was somewhere else.

I just sat there, right where I was, and cried and cried. I mourned all the things I was to become and all the opportunities lost, the fact that I'd never graduate from college, never get married, be truly intimate with someone I loved, never have kids, etc. It just felt too soon, so much so that part of me denied the fact that I was dead. I decided to find my parents and my friends to tell them- if I could. How could they hear or talk to me if I wasn't visible, just a silent presence? For some reason, I never found my sisters but I found my parents. I tried talking in a whisper- I guess out of nervousness and being so emotional- and that didn't work; they didn't hear a thing. Then I tried talking louder, almost screaming and my mom heard me. She didn't know how to react when she heard me saying "Mom!" She knew it was me but didn't know where my voice was coming from. I suddenly felt like there was a time limit to how long I could communicate with her, so I just yelled "I love you." She smiled and kept doing whatever it was she was doing. My dad, who had been sitting and reading next to her, didn't hear a thing. For some reason, I exhaled through my mouth, blowing towards him like you do as you exercise. The small breath turned into a big gust of wind and I could see his collar flapping and his hair moving. It was like if I tried hard enough I could be responsible for a hurricane. I could tell he knew something- someONE- was trying to tell him something but my mom was sure to fill him in on what she'd heard. I left, feeling only just a little bit accomplished. I didn't want to even try to tell them the little more I knew because I didn't want to make them sad.

I kept walking down the hall to a room that ended up being a restaurant/bar in the hotel. I looked around to see if I knew anyone and only one face was familiar. Now, honestly, would you be surprised if I said it was the boy? I think not. So yeah, it was him. He was sitting there alone, eating something. I sat on the stool next to him and just looked at him. I was sad for anything that could have been but mostly that I'd never gotten up the courage to fully tell him everything. In that moment I had nothing more than admiration, respect and love for him. Then, as if in a movie, he looked to his right, where I was sitting and looked straight at me. I remembered that people couldn't see me anymore so I figured he was looking through and past where I was. But then he looked me straight in the eye and said "There you are!" like he'd been expecting me.

Then my dad busted into my room needing help with his bow tie and I woke up. I knew I didn't need any kind of dream dictionary or to question whether this dream had meaning to it. I don't know when or where, but I'm going to tell him. This is definitely a sign.