I have a feeling this (long-overdue) post will be kind of all over the place, just bear with me. It'll make sense in the end...hopefully...probably...no, hopefully.
It's been almost a year since the day that changed my life. I know that sounds way dramatic but it's true. It was the first time I was able to face a boy I liked..er, loved...and told him how I felt. Just let it all hang out. And I went from there. He took it well, better than I expected but not ideally. Whatever. I'm fine with it in the long-run. Doing that really gave me such a confidence boost. I proved to myself that I was not only stronger than I gave myself credit for, but also that it was possible for guys to see me that way. I wasn't just some girl that was always crushing on someone else- although it still feels like that sometimes.
Which brings me to the reason for this post: I'm at that fork in the road again. There's another guy (although this one's so much better for a number of reasons I won't get into, because that'd be a whole other post) and- dare I say it- I think I love him. It's enough that I see him every Friday night and if not, definitely once a week (he lives 30 minutes away from my city, so it's not so easy) but we also talk or somehow communicate every single day. His friends who live in the same city as he are even jealous of me, oddly enough...they say I obviously have more points with him since he's always hanging out with me and I'm from out of town. Then there are the parents- he's met my parents (he LOVES my dad) and I've met his momma a few times. We've all even gone to church together and then to lunch after (THAT was just.. <3). And to top it all off, he keeps saying he wants to settle down and have kids already; partying doesn't appeal to him anymore. We're basically friends- with no benefits- but still friends, good friends...maybe even best friends. Other than the whole liking him thing, there's really nothing I don't tell him and vice-versa.
But then I wonder if I'm just reading into all this too much. Am I making it what I want it to be in my head? Would letting everything hang out again be worth the risk? I've talked to my parents about it and even one of my mom's friends- they all think he does like me but are they saying that because they're "on my side"? Is it worth the risk? Is it worth making things awkward with my best friend? Is it bad that I want to leave it as it is for now and worry about all this later?
