Deep breaths: part 2

It's been three days since the big bomb-dropping and for the anxiety I experienced leading up to THE moment, I think I'm holding up pretty well.

Every time I think about Monday night (April 25th, the perfect date! ..for you Miss Congeniality fans), I can't help but get butterflies.  He's one of the few people boys I've actually been interested in to really listen to me, ask me for advice and actually take the advice.  Now, I'm not saying that that's what I want- for a guy to give me all the attention in the world (although a moment of that wouldn't be bad)- but it shows that he not only cares about me, but wants to know what I think.  Isn't that what girls complain about all the time, about their boys not caring what they think?

Considering the extreme negative reactions that could've happened, I think it went well, very well.  The only way it could've gone better was for the feelings to be mutual but I knew the chances were slim.  However, you have to really understand what he was like in high school.  I don't know how or why I was so infatuated with him during the high school years, but compared to that boy, he's a man now.  Sure he still has some occasional d-bag comments; the boy's not perfect, but he knows what he wants, what others need and does his best to meet those needs and wants.

Which is what brings me to the "raising twins" analogy he gave.  Again, you'd have to really know him to get that but I'll do my best to explain.  People who don't know him really well, even "good" friends only see the d-bag part of him.  He seems snooty, stuck up and heartless.  But there's much, much more to him.  It's a part he's hesitant to share because when he was younger, he was really close to his grandmother and then she suddenly died.  Since then, he only shows his true self to very, very few people.  He hates crying or showing any kind of real emotion in front of most people.  Even explaining why he wasn't completely ready for a real relationship to me the other night, got him a little misty-eyed.  Guess I'm not "most people."

Tuesday night, almost exactly 24 hours since the bomb-dropping, he texted me.  This was a huge relief to me.  You seriously have no idea.  I was worried that although he said it wouldn't be awkward that he'd hesitate to call or text, that it wouldn't be a complete shut-out but not like it was.

"Either I hate my school, my kids or my job."
"I think you hate the tediousness of preparing lectures, etc."
"Maybe.  I just feel like this isn't meant for me, like there's something bigger and better."
"I think so."
"Remind me of that every once in a while, okay?"

That last one had my biting my lip and throwing a hand over my heart.  And I kind of feel the same way when it comes to our relationship, like there's something more, bigger and better to come.  It's definitely something I've never felt before.




P.S. Tuesday night's Glee had a song that kind of personified this feeling: the mood of the song, the cautious excitement, "magic in the making."