Once thing that have influenced me for a long time end, I become a little obsessed over them. Not in an unhealthy way, I just want to remember it for as long as possible and get every bit of good out of them as possible. The Oprah Show was no exception. So when I saw O Magazine at Walmart, I had to get it. The June issue has her smiling and waving with the words "For the joy, the laughs, the lessons, the adventure of a lifetime...thank you!" across the picture. Reading them, I could only feel like I should say the same thing back.
As soon as I got home, I poured over the articles. At first I was fascinated with some makeover before and after pictures of the show's producers- nothing out of the ordinary for me, but then I saw an article about Laura Linney's "aha! moment." She wrote about her dating experience(s) and finding what really makes a man. Interesting, can't be bad, I thought. She told a story about how she was attracted to and was in a relationship an attractive, athletic, intelligent man with a charismatic and commanding personality. Sound familiar? Yeah, thought so. I kept reading.
"But one day, when we were out hiking the Appalachian Trail, we came across a mother whose child had fallen and scraped his knee. They were both scared and panicking, practically in tears. As we approached them, my date kept saying, 'They're fine. They're fine.' When he wouldn't stop to help, my heart just sank. I thought, I don't want to kiss this man anymore.
That experience wasn't the first or last time a boyfriend didn't meet my expectations. But I never made the connection between my own choices and these disappointments until I was sitting in my bathtub, where I do my best thinking, worrying about a good friend who was going through a difficult breakup. Her ex was attractive and suave, everything about him seemed perfect, but he broke her heart in a reckless, uncaring way. Suddenly it hit me: Charisma is not character. A magnetic personality doesn't necessarily indicate a good heart. I'd always assumed they went hand in hand.
It was easy and natural for me -- especially in my youth -- to overvalue a light-up-the-room personality. But now I realize I can't expect a friendship or romance to flourish if the person hadn't demonstrated strong character. Traits like humility, courage, and empathy are easily overlooked -- but it's immensely important to find them in your closest relationships. Perhaps my best proof of this is how I fell in love with my husband. Early on in our relationship, I observed how special his friendships were to him. When he saw any of his friends, he'd embrace them in a big bear hug. I could see why: He was caring, dedicated, and generous with them. I thought, This is a profoundly good sign. And I was right."
Now, obviously I'm not saying you-know-who is heartless or hates children or anything like that; I know for a fact that he does, indeed, have a good heart, but it's the fact that he isn't exactly one to wear said heart on his sleeve, basically scared to show it, that worries me. It's always worried me, actually. To most people, he's standoffish, some would call him an a**hole. But even with that and a few other negative things, I kept interest in him because there was and is something magnetic, exciting, intriguing about him. Doesn't hurt that he's not bad on the eyes at all.
Until reading this article, it hadn't hit me that charisma is not character. It was definitely the best AHA! moment I could've asked for at the perfect time. Everything happens for a reason, right? I guess this whole ordeal was to teach me that one little sentence: charisma is not character.
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