Chicken

I'm a complete chicken.  And I think waaaaaaaay too much.

If you don't believe me, let me show you some evidence.

I am deathly afraid of needles.
It takes a good pep talk to get me onto a roller coaster.
It's hard for me to flirt with any guy.
I'm always paranoid that someone will judge me.

Today was one of those days where my mind was racing but I couldn't, didn't want to get away from the situation.

First day back from Christmas/winter vacation and my Tuesday/Thursday classes went fine.  I know a good number of people in both classes as they are both core Communication classes.  I was completely fine until the end of the second class.  I was supposed to work out but I wasn't feeling it, hehe.  Instead, the boy called and we hung out for a while in the music building with some other friends from choir.  He mentioned that he had another class (to teach.  Yes, he's officially a professor now.  WEIRD!)  I didn't have anything else to do, so I asked if I could sit in on the class.  He said I could, so I walked with him to the lab in the library where the class was.  It was interesting to see him in action as a real teacher and all that.  Once it was done, we picked up some lunch from Subway and went to my house to eat it.

Now, you have to understand that most of the time I'm with him, so is my sister and maybe another friend.  It's rarely just us two.  And I'd promised myself that the next time I had a moment alone with him, I'd tell him what's been on my mind for the past year or so.  Yeah, the mind racing thing totally gets in the way of that.  I don't know why I'm so ready for it when he's not around and not when he is.  It's frustrating; I'm totally kicking myself right now.  I SO HAD IT.

I don't know why it is that I'm so afraid- if that's the right word- to tell him.  We're closer than ever, he's seen me in pj's with no makeup on, I've seen him crying and in physical pain but there's just something holding me back.  Am I just over thinking it and being paranoid that he'll be "whatever" about it or do I just need to tell him?  And bringing it up- ugh, that's another story.  I can't just be like, "Hey, wanna grab some lunch? Oh, and by the way, I'm in love with you."

I NEED SOME ADVICE, HERE!

Keren