(Hopefully) Rich in happiness

I've never been one to make new year's resolutions, let alone go through with them.  I just figured that I'd try to do better, work harder, learn more and simply grow up.  But isn't that our goal every day?  How is that somehow better than a resolution?

But this year is going to be different.  Yes, I still want to do those things that I just mentioned but there's one new thing added to the short list, something that I'm more than determined to go through with...in the next couple of days.

Now, don't get scared or roll your eyes at the following paragraph.  While it might read like an 80s movie screenplay/narration, it's truthful, my truth. So help me, God...please.

For over a year, I've been...uh, interested in a certain man-boy friend of mine.  While we've never even touched on the subject of us being anything more than friends, it's been on my mind.  A lot.  Before Thanksgiving, I promised myself I'd tell him.  I daydreamed about what he'd say, how he'd react,  how I'd react.  So far, I've only come up with a few opening lines but I'm sure they'll all go out the window when the moment arrives.

With him, I've already learned to allow differences.  Any good friend of mine knows what a monumental thing that is for me.  I've always had a list of things I wanted a significant other/husband to have and be, qualities, if you will.  That started when I was about 15.  My youth group leader was talking to us about being careful with who we give our hearts and bodies to, love, etc.  The exercise that went along with the lesson was to make a list of things we wanted in someone.  I wrote a few things, the usual: Christian, tall-ish, handsome, honest, truthful, well-dressed, funny- the basics.  But I also wrote that I didn't want or like tattoos, piercings, cursing, drinking or smoking.

Well guess what?  This man-boy is a culmination of the things I wanted and didn't want.  And I still want to be with him; I still feel the same way.  He's hilarious, truthful especially with the people he really trusts, 6'2, very well-dressed, very handsome (in my opinion), is musically inclined but has two pierced ears, curses for effect (not like a sailor but doesn't never curse) and socially drinks and smokes.

My close friends always told me that my list was too strict and that if I didn't leave room for exceptions, I'd never find a guy 'worthy' enough.  And they were/are right.  I was looking for the perfect man but no such man exists.  Don't get me wrong, though.  I'm not finding excuses for his imperfections; there are some things that definitely aren't perfect about him.  But in not 'dismissing' him for those imperfections made me look at myself before critiquing him or anyone else.  All those things I found fault in before are things I am or have been guilty of.  Blame the college experience or immaturity, I don't care.

So, in getting back to the resolution, I've decided that I need to tell him and come clean about everything.  In all truth, he probably knows.  While he might not be the most observant person on Earth, his close friends are, two of them being people I'm sure know.  I just need for him to hear it from me.

It's been the most frustrating thing- considering my schedule, his schedule, times, places and ears that don't need to hear my life story.  Hopefully, it'll be worth it.

Who knows what'll happen after that, his reaction or whatever.  But I'll know one thing for certain: my first new years resolution will be accomplished.

P.S. He's one of the boys in some of the pics on my background.  :)

Keren