Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Time of my life

I can't believe it's been almost a week since our big concert in San Antonio.  (And I can't believe I start every frickin post with "I can't belive.."!)

Around this time last week, we were having dinner in our hotel rooms and laying low, not wanting to risk being out in the cold air the night before our concert.  Our director, Mrs. Brumley (Brum, for short...only we NEVER call her that to her face) said we could only go out if we had to, grab a quick something to go for dinner and stay in.  The wind chill was in the 20s and definitely no condition for vocalists.

Let me backtrack, though.

Day 1, Tuesday - I woke up around 4:30 am, the butt crack of dawn.  I showered, got ready and did some last minute packing.  I went over the list of things I'd need and Ana and I had everything- all 8 bags worth of things.  Before you judge me, know that for one, I'm an over-packer...yeah, alright, most girls do it.  Secondly, we had to make sure we had not only nice school clothes for every day wear, all girly toiletries, "feminine products" since I'd frickin gotten my period the day before we left, our formal concert attire, our casual concert attire, coats, jackets, scarves and then we chose to bring a little ice chest for snacks and breakfast so we could sleep in and not have to spend money on breakfast (totally worked out for me; I saved $60!)

So off we went to school, outside of the Arts Center where two charter busses were waiting.  We loaded our luggage into the compartments on the lower level of the bus and took the rest of our stuff with us on the bus- our garment bag with both sets of uniforms, jackets, coats, the ice chest and our usual purses.  We traveled for a while, about 3.5 hours until we got to Corpus Christi, where we were to perform a recruitment concert at Del Mar College- a junior college- for their music students.  It wasn't a big audience but the acoustics were completely dead, so it ended up being a good experience and rehearsal for us.  We had to learn to adjust to any setting, especially since we didn't know how we'd sound in the ballroom we were to have the big concert in on Thursday.  We performed our entire concert for the small group of students that showed and they just ate it up.  We knew they hadn't expected much from a school they'd never heard of before.  They especially didn't expect a choir of 57.




After the concert, we changed and drove to a mall within the city for lunch and some light shopping.  Brum said we shouldn't shop but since she'd given us 2.5 hours for lunch, what else were we supposed to do after we were done eating?  Luckily it wasn't a huge mall or an outdoor mall, so there wasn't a chance of getting lost or anything like that.  Once we were done there, we got back on the bus and watched the first half of the second season of Glee all the way to San Antonio.  We arrived at the hotel, The St. Anthony about 3 hours later.  Once we'd had a chance to settle in, we decided to find some dinner.  A group of us decided to explore the street our hotel was on and found a little deli/sandwich shop next to a Walgreen's, where I did some light girly shopping (*giggle*).  Once our orders were ready, we all sat down in the restaurant to watch the new episode of Glee, which was...interesting.  Of course, I somehow ended up sitting next to the boy, watching the Valentine's Day episode.  I had to listen to him talk about how hot Santana is/was.  *eyeroll* haha!

After getting back to the hotel, some girls wanted to do their nails and asked if I had brought nail polish remover.  DUH.  We ended up with 8 people in our room, some doing nails, some just talking and hanging out.  The boys came over, too.  We were super hyper.  I guess it was just lack of sleep but we were silly to the max.  As I had unpacked and was on my period, I'd brought some of those hideous huge, jumbo, overnight pads that almost literally go from the bellybutton to the middle of the back.  I'd left them on the side of the tub next to the toilet and as the boy was going into the restroom to grab something, he freaked out and demanded to know why we had tub pillows and his room didn't.  I died laughing.  So much so that I couldn't explain what they were.  He ran out of the bathroom to tell the others and the other girls died of laughter, too.  He really didn't know that they weren't pillows until we stopped laughing.  Soon after, he and another guy friend had a race to see who could unscrew one of the posts from the bed the fastest and who could use said post into the most "costume" items.  Unicorns, "happy" boy, jousting polls, you name it.




Day 2, Wednesday - I woke up to my alarm clock ringing around 8 am.  We were supposed to be in the lobby at 10 to head over to a local high school for another recruitment concert/"formal" rehearsal.  As I showered and started to get ready, my phone rang with a text.  "You up?" from the boy.  "Yeah."  "I'm on my way."  He and Gilbert were staying just a few doors down the hall.  Within a couple minutes, the doorbell rang (yes, a doorbell! fancy-ass hotel).  Ana was still in bed and I was in clean pj's, wet hair and no makeup on.  I answered the door and did my best to cover up my lack of bra but then again, he's seen me like that before.  Oh well.  He had a sleepy, puffy smile on and waltzed right in, "Can I borrow some toothpaste?"  Of course he didn't bother bringing his own...but he couldn't use Gilbert's?  I still don't understand that.  This would become a daily occurrence.  We talked a little as I blew my hair dry and he brushed his teeth.  That felt normal, for some reason, like we always do that.  Anyway, he left after he was done and once Ana and I were ready, met everyone in the lobby and off to the HS we went.  This time, our audience was students, but they weren't only from that HS, but from other schools close by.  We omitted two songs from the concert order for that performance because Brum thought they were too taxing on our voices so close to the big concert.  She said not to give it 100%, not even 90%.  THAT was Thursday.  Once it was over, the kids gave us a standing ovation.  A boy in the front row started it; he looked so inspired and in awe.  It was amazing.


After we left the HS, we changed on the bus and went to a mall called North Star Mall.  We were supposed to go to a higher end mall but since that's an outdoor mall and it was still in the 20s, Brum decided against it.  I knew going to North Star would mean dropping some bucks since they have both a MAC and Sephora.   MAC left me underwhelmed but Sephora got some nice business from me.  One of the salesmen was impressed with how much I knew about the different products and laughed when I said I learned everything I knew from Youtube.

Later that night, we changed into our nice clothes for the TMEA President's Concert featuring The Swingle Singers.  They're a completely a cappella group and are AMAZING.  The funny thing was that one member looked JUST like the boy.  He had the same mannerisms and everything.  It was almost creepy.  See if you can spot him in the vid!  

Getting to the concert, however was somewhat of a challenge.  Something happened to me, along with 10 other choir members and two hotel guests.  We packed an elevator with 13 people on the way down to meet everyone in the lobby before the Swingle Singers' concert.  Just as it was about to reach the lobby, the elevator just stopped.  We'd heard that that had happened to some other people who were staying at the hotel but they said it started working again after a minute.  So we waited and then started pushing buttons and one of the girls called Brum.  None of the buttons worked and Brum didn't answer. Eff.  Finally, we called Gilbert and he told the people behind the reception desk what had happened.  He'd completely lucked out as he was going to get into the same elevator but decided to wait for the boy instead.  Suddenly, we heard voices and I recognized it.  It was the boy asking if we were okay.  He said the engineer was there, trying to get us out.  They kept asking what floor we were on but we couldn't tell since the lit numbers signaling the floor levels weren't on at all.  Finally, they were able to open the doors and we just had to step up about 2 feet and we were free...much to the excitement of everyone, especially the two hotel guests.

At the concert, Ana and I sat in front of Brum and her husband and we chatted most of the time before the concert started.  She was all excited because a few days prior, her first grandchild had been born; she squealed over new pictures and everything. She wanted to go see the baby girl right away but her son insisted that she stay and prepare her choir.  He's a band director, so he understood completely.

After we got back to the hotel, a few of us ordered pizza and all gathered in another set of sisters' room (there are three sets of sisters in Master Chorale).  This was the night Brum INSISTED that we not go out unless we had to, so we stayed in.  Gilbert and the boy did their own thing; I think they went out with some other people from choir but ended up having a crappy time.  They said the should've stayed with us. Ha!

Day 3, Thursday - Again, the morning routine, the boy asking for toothpaste and all.  It was finally concert day but first, we had a rehearsal at First Baptist Church San Antonio since every ballroom in the convention center was booked.  Plus, Brum wanted a somewhat private rehearsal as the composer to our big, "cutting-edge" piece had flown in the night before to be there for our concert.  Mark Adamo rode the bus with us to the church and heard us warm up and perform his composition.  I was nervous to see his reaction; he could've been snooty and said "no, no, all wrong" but he didn't.  As soon as we'd finished, he giggle and jumped up and down.  He had very minor suggestions but said we'd captured the spirit of the piece and everything he wanted to emphasize while composing it.




 

Mark Adamo was nice enough to take pictures with each one of us and sign our scores.  We always have to turn our music in when we're done with it, but Brum said we could keep this one song.  :)

We got back on the bus and back to the hotel for a little buffer time before our soundcheck in the ballroom where the concert was to be held.  I took advantage of the time; I did my hair and helped another girl with her makeup.  The boy helped Ana do her hair; that took longer than it did for me to do my hair, makeup and help the other girl.  Then we had our soundcheck.  A few people were around, some of Brum's friends and directors at other universities around Texas but there definitely wasn't a crowd.  We started the opener, Man singet mit Freuden vom Seig by Bach and the lady who was presenting our choir literally dropped her jaw.  She tossed the f word, FABULOUS, around said we were definitely ready for the concert.  The room was very live, meaning that sound traveled very well; it was just like singing in the concert hall back home.  We were surprised since the room is carpeted but it still sounded amazing.  We were totally going to kick ass.

After, we returned to the hotel to get into our formal attire.  I threw my pearl jewelry set on- part of the girls' uniform- and my dress, grabbed my music and I was out the door.  We all loaded the busses for the concert of our lives.   Brum led us to a holding room where she introduced the chair of the music department, Dr. Urbis and the provost, Dr. Artebesis.  They both spoke to us about how we've put the school on the map and have brought recognition to the school, more than any other organization on campus.  Then, the head of campus media spoke about Mark Adamo and presented him with a framed picture of the Master Chorale, thanking him for devoting his time to his passion and for flying down just for our concert.  He was very grateful and almost cried.  Super cute.  All the girls wanted him for their gay best friend.  Haha!

We waited about an hour, warmed up a little bit and then we were walked the back way to an entrance and then directly onto the stage.  As I stood right next to the boy, I talked to him a little on the way about how I was nervous and stuff.  He said he was even more nervous for this than all four years of HS as he'd made all-state those four years.  This was on a whole different level.  As we waited to walk on stage, I wiggled my fingers behind my back as to say "OMG!" to him, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it.  It wasn't a full cupped hands thing or anything, but it was something.  :)  

As I walked onto the risers and looked at the audience, I looked for my family.  Earlier, my mom had called and said she wouldn't be able to go because the lady that was supposed to take care of my grandma had backed out last minute and she couldn't find anyone else.  I saw my dad, my sister, Joyce, even my uncle and aunt who live in SA...and then she waved.  My mom had driven up last minute just for the concert.  This would've been the first concert of ours she'd miss.  I almost cried then and there but held it in and concentrated on other faces in the crowd.  I picked out my former choir directors, UTB administrators and professors and some friends of my dad's.  Soon, Brum walked on to the stage and the piano started.  I could tell our accompanist was nervous as he clunked the opening notes and Brum looked at him out of the corner of her eye.  But soon, the basses came in, then the tenors, and then us altos and then the sopranos.  We sang the snot out of the Bach and the audience roared with applause.

The rest of the concert went on with little to no hitches.  I made sure I wasn't on auto pilot and thought about everything we'd talked about in rehearsal.  I remembered what Brum said before we finished rehearsal at the church earlier, "All my adult life I'd dreamed about a certain choir.  This is that choir.  Thank you."  I think all we wanted, more than anything else, was to make her proud and to make every stressful moment well worth the trouble.

When the last chord of the last song was sung, the audience jumped to their feet and applauded for minutes.  It was overwhelming.  I'd never seen Brum so proud.

We walked off stage and talked with the audience for a while.  After, we loaded the busses, changed again and were off to Mi Tierra, a Mexican restaurant we've taken Malorie to before.  It's seriously Mexico on crack.  We immediately ordered up some jumbo margaritas in celebration and our meals.  After a few sips, some of us were a little...happy.  Nothing serious, just happy.  Brum got up and suggested we sing the Alma Mater and The Lord Bless You and Keep You.  We usually finish concerts with the later song but didn't for TMEA.  It would've been a crime to not sing it that night at all.  So she stood up on her chair and directed both songs.  The other people at tables around us applauded after and wanted more.  One of the ladies sitting with Brum got a call from the president of the university and apologized for not being able to be there; she was in Austin, fighting for UTB funding.  We sang the Alma Mater again for her.  Later she said in a text to Brum that it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever 
heard and it made her cry.

    
It was an amazing night.

Day 4, Friday - Usual morning routine, breakfast on our own (for us, in our room), the boy came for toothpaste and all.  That day, we were the demonstration choir for a workshop being held for the convention.  It was a workshop on voicing a choir according to the timbre and tone of each voice to make a section and therefore a choir sound its best.  Brum wanted us in our formal uniforms again, so that meant full hair and makeup, too.  It wasn't a big deal but the guy who was giving the workshop made a big deal of our concert the night before and raved for a while.

We had the afternoon and evening off, so my parents leant us the suburban so we could drive to another mall, the mall we were supposed to go to earlier in the week.  And boy, did we pack that car full!  The boy drove since he's used to SA's crazy roads, Gilbert was in the passenger seat, I was behind him, and then we had 2 people in my row and then 4 people in the back row. Once we got there, Ana and the two other girls that went headed off to Forever 21, Gilbert walked around with 2 guys, Eddie and Peter and I went off with the boy and another friend, Anthony.  That was when I tweeted that thing about the boy trying on pants..yeah, that was interesting.  I think we really bonded that day; he told me about some plans he had for the future, possibly getting another bachelors, in music and asked if I would move to Houston or Dallas.  I'm not sure if he meant with him or not.  I wish we'd had more time to talk like that.

Once 7 rolled around, we started heading back.  The other college choir was performing that night and we wanted to see what they were doing.  Once we got there, their programs were kinda ghetto and very plain, their first few songs were boring as all heck but they did it well (but with no heart) and all by memory.  Brum was in the audience, too.  Later she said she didn't think we'd taken a back seat to them at all.  WOO! 

After, we headed over to the UTB alumni reunion.  It was a small room and the Master Chorale filled up about half of the room alone.  They had asked us to sing the Alma Mater and The Lord Bless You.  That room ended up being very live, too and since it was itsy, we sounded monstrous.  They wanted more, so we ended up doing 2 of the a cappella pieces that were also crowd pleasers for them, too- Softly and Tenderly/Sinner Man. (<-- I dunno of that link will work...hopefully! If it does, turn up the volume..that's how we sounded.)

When we were finished, we were free for the night.  The boy and some friends wanted to go to a club but I wasn't feeling it, so I ended up going with some other friends to a restaurant on the River Walk for some food and drinks.  BTW, watermelon margaritas are AMAZING.

That night, we all ended up on the roof of the hotel.  The 10th floor had a party space/balcony that any guest it allowed to use.  It was cold so eventually, I ended up inside with a friend and had a heart to heart with her.  She asked me if I liked the boy, and I just spilled.  She thought it was super cute and is now convinced we're the perfect couple.  I didn't want to argue.  :)

Day 5, Saturday - It was our last day at TMEA and I was sad it was all over.  

Brum wanted us to meet in the lobby of the hotel for a last meeting and then we were free to roam until 1:30 when the busses would roll.  She was our mom on this trip (sometimes we even called her "Mom.") so that day was no exception.  She made sure everyone had checked out and put our bags in their designated area.  She'd had a list of the people who weren't checked out yet- one person.  Some guy from choir hadn't not only checked out but hadn't shown up all night.  People started to freak when we'd waited longer than 30 min.  His roommate even started crying.  Brum sent out another boy to the bars around to ask if they'd seen him.  One of the missing boy's friends said they had heard he met a guy at a bar and went to his house. They hadn't heard from him since and his phone was dead when they'd tried calling.  Literally 5 minutes after people started freaking, he waltzed into the hotel lobby with a huge smile on his face.  The boy tells Brum that he showed up and she called him over.  To say she had a classic mom moment is an understatement.  I'd never seen her talk to anyone like that before, she completely chewed him out in front of the whole choir and anyone else in the lobby.  Once that was over, she took a deep breath and said goodbye to everyone.  She wasn't going home with us, but flying to Dallas to see her grand baby.  She hugged me goodbye, as she did with a few other people, including the boy, who held the hug for a little longer than everyone else.  When they pulled away, they were both teary-eyed.  Later, he said that she said she was sad that it had been their last trip together.  :(

As we left the lobby to go find lunch and visit the TMEA exhibits, I suddenly felt all the emotions from over the course of the week and the stress of everything come over me at once and I couldn't help but tear up.  Then I thought about the talk I'd had the night before about the boy, and how I still hadn't/haven't told him and I got more emotional.  I got to the point where I was embarrassed to be seen sobbing lightly around my friends and the boy and I stopped walking.  Ana noticed and stopped everyone.  I could't and didn't want to explain everything to her then and there, so I told her I'd explain later but then the boy came over and with the most concerned look in his eyes (I think this was the first time he'd seen me cry), he asked me what was wrong.  I said "nothing" but he didn't believe me.  Smart boy.  It would've been an amazing moment to tell him, but we were literally on a street and around people I'm not really close to.  


The rest of the day went on, kind of boring-ly.  We were all sad to leave and get back to reality.  The boy had to get back to work, I had to write a 10 page paper, etc.

Looking back, I know I'll never forget this experience.  It was seriously one of the best moments of my life, standing up in front of thousands of fellow musicians and being applauded for hard work well done.  I feel like I grew up a little on this trip, having to look out for myself and my sister and not being afraid to show emotion... to a certain extent.  I'd never been so grateful to be in such an amazing organization.

Keren

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Ready as I'll ever be

I've done the last runs to the grocery store, done all 20 of my nails, got my fake hair ready, made a list of things I need to pack last minute; I can't believe it's finally here!

Tuesday, I'll be leaving with the choir to the biggest music convention/festival in the world.  And I'm not exaggerating with the "in the world" part.  I think I've talked about this convention here before but if you didn't know, every year the Texas Music Educators Association (TMEA) convention committee chooses 2 high school honor choirs in a blind audition and does the same for college choirs.  They're known for picking amazing choirs- people come from all over to hear those concerts, crowds of 3,000+ people!  Up until this year, no college choir from anywhere south of San Antonio had been chosen to perform.

When our director told us this past summer that we'd been asked to be one of the college honor choirs, I was amazed, excited and scared out of my pants.  I've been going to theses conventions since before I could walk or talk, tagging along with my dad as he's a member of TMEA.  This will probably be my 18th or so time going, more than any other member of the choir, possibly more than one of the assistant directors.  Weird, right?



This TMEA experience will be different than any other year.  I won't be in the audience; I'll be performing.  It gives me goose bumps to think about all the years I was in the audience and wanted to be part of a choir or band, to know what it would be like to perform for so many people, to know what was going through their head.  Now I'll know.  Sometimes I just want to cry, knowing how hard works pays off in big ways, how things happen for a reason and how God works in mysterious ways.  It sounds almost dumb to be so thankful to be part of an honor group, but I am.  It's always been one of my "silent" goals as I never even knew it'd been a goal, myself.



Our city's even taking notice.  At our pre-TMEA concert this past Friday, we had a huge turn-out.  Even with the weather being even more wacky than usual (ice and in the 20s...VERY rare for us), there were 300-400 people in the audience.  Plus, we were in the local newspaper(s)!

Here's a link, if you haven't seen it on FB/Twitter yet.

Wish us luck!!  This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment!

Keren

Friday, January 28, 2011

Sunk

I'm ready.

I've talked to enough people, psyched myself up for the big bomb dropping and I was completely ready- or ready as I'll ever be because I know I'll be nervous when I hear the words escape my mouth- for this weekend to be THE time. 

My parents left for Houston this morning and they'll be gone the whole weekened, the sisters could easily be occupied so it'd be the perfect scenario as alone time with the boy would be possible. 

But, of course, something came up.

At first, I asked around my group of friends to see who was free, to see if someone wanted to help me do a tiny, totally-not-wild, no-cops-show-up party (unlike last time..but we won't get into that).  Everyone I talked to said they were going out of town.  I assumed the boy was one of them but I figured I'd ask anyway.  He said he wasn't going with them, but was still going out of town.  My heart sunk.

...all this after an amazing choir rehearsal and being in the new seating arrangement- where I sit right next to him.

Later, he called to run a hair cut idea by me and we talked for a little while.  I asked how long he'd be gone; he said the entire weekend.  This time, he asked why and if I was asking because of the parents being gone.  I said sort of, not really.  I don't know if that got him thinking but I hope it did.

I thought for sure this weekened would be the time to tell him, with the convention/tour/concert(s) coming up.  See, my dream was to be together for the convention/tour.  We're talking hotel rooms, charter busses, the works, and walking around the exhibits hand-in-hand was just a blissful thought.  I really, really wanted it to happen but if I can't get a moment alone with him, it's probably not going to happen.  And as much as I know I'll beat myself up about it, I'll try not to.

...not to mention Valentine's Day the week we get back into town.  It'll probably be another one I spend single.

Keren

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Pregnant

I'm nowhere near being ready to have kids.  Let me just preface this post with that.  That doesn't mean I don't want kids- because I do- but just not right now.  At least 6 more years.  There are definitely moments where I really, really want a baby but then I think about the things I want to accomplish before reproducing.  Sometimes I'm not even sure of that list.

However, lately I've been having lots of dreams.  I wouldn't call them recurring dreams, because they're never exactly the same, but they're all very similar: I'm pregnant.  I'm at a different place each time, with different people, the situation's always different but there's definitely a bun in the oven.  Last night's was...interesting.

In the dream, I was sitting in choir rehearsal at school (great, my ultimate goal- to be pregnant and not done with school...not!) in between songs.  Our director tells us to move out of our soprano, bass, tenor, alto seating arrangement and into our new mixed arrangement.  Now, in real life, we do have those arrangements; the mixed is for concerts so there's no one voice part sticking out from one particular side or section of the risers.  The new mixed arrangement is very mixed.  I stand close to two altos (that was inevitable as there are more altos than any other voice part) and two basses (one of which is the boy, he's exactly to my right).  So back to the dream, I go up to the top riser to sit next to the boy (although I think he might've been the husband in the dream) and he rubs my belly.  Cute, right?  Yeah, until the pregnancy hormones get the best of me...in the dream, of course.  I get upset because there's another girl in the choir who's pregnant but is showing more than I am.  She looks cute but I look...fluffy.

That's where I woke up, but that's just one dream.  I don't know why I keep having these dreams.  It's kinda cute but kinda weird.  I guess it's better than dreaming that my teeth fall out.

What recurring dreams do you have?

Keren

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Chicken

I'm a complete chicken.  And I think waaaaaaaay too much.

If you don't believe me, let me show you some evidence.

I am deathly afraid of needles.
It takes a good pep talk to get me onto a roller coaster.
It's hard for me to flirt with any guy.
I'm always paranoid that someone will judge me.

Today was one of those days where my mind was racing but I couldn't, didn't want to get away from the situation.

First day back from Christmas/winter vacation and my Tuesday/Thursday classes went fine.  I know a good number of people in both classes as they are both core Communication classes.  I was completely fine until the end of the second class.  I was supposed to work out but I wasn't feeling it, hehe.  Instead, the boy called and we hung out for a while in the music building with some other friends from choir.  He mentioned that he had another class (to teach.  Yes, he's officially a professor now.  WEIRD!)  I didn't have anything else to do, so I asked if I could sit in on the class.  He said I could, so I walked with him to the lab in the library where the class was.  It was interesting to see him in action as a real teacher and all that.  Once it was done, we picked up some lunch from Subway and went to my house to eat it.

Now, you have to understand that most of the time I'm with him, so is my sister and maybe another friend.  It's rarely just us two.  And I'd promised myself that the next time I had a moment alone with him, I'd tell him what's been on my mind for the past year or so.  Yeah, the mind racing thing totally gets in the way of that.  I don't know why I'm so ready for it when he's not around and not when he is.  It's frustrating; I'm totally kicking myself right now.  I SO HAD IT.

I don't know why it is that I'm so afraid- if that's the right word- to tell him.  We're closer than ever, he's seen me in pj's with no makeup on, I've seen him crying and in physical pain but there's just something holding me back.  Am I just over thinking it and being paranoid that he'll be "whatever" about it or do I just need to tell him?  And bringing it up- ugh, that's another story.  I can't just be like, "Hey, wanna grab some lunch? Oh, and by the way, I'm in love with you."

I NEED SOME ADVICE, HERE!

Keren

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

(Hopefully) Rich in happiness

I've never been one to make new year's resolutions, let alone go through with them.  I just figured that I'd try to do better, work harder, learn more and simply grow up.  But isn't that our goal every day?  How is that somehow better than a resolution?

But this year is going to be different.  Yes, I still want to do those things that I just mentioned but there's one new thing added to the short list, something that I'm more than determined to go through with...in the next couple of days.

Now, don't get scared or roll your eyes at the following paragraph.  While it might read like an 80s movie screenplay/narration, it's truthful, my truth. So help me, God...please.

For over a year, I've been...uh, interested in a certain man-boy friend of mine.  While we've never even touched on the subject of us being anything more than friends, it's been on my mind.  A lot.  Before Thanksgiving, I promised myself I'd tell him.  I daydreamed about what he'd say, how he'd react,  how I'd react.  So far, I've only come up with a few opening lines but I'm sure they'll all go out the window when the moment arrives.

With him, I've already learned to allow differences.  Any good friend of mine knows what a monumental thing that is for me.  I've always had a list of things I wanted a significant other/husband to have and be, qualities, if you will.  That started when I was about 15.  My youth group leader was talking to us about being careful with who we give our hearts and bodies to, love, etc.  The exercise that went along with the lesson was to make a list of things we wanted in someone.  I wrote a few things, the usual: Christian, tall-ish, handsome, honest, truthful, well-dressed, funny- the basics.  But I also wrote that I didn't want or like tattoos, piercings, cursing, drinking or smoking.

Well guess what?  This man-boy is a culmination of the things I wanted and didn't want.  And I still want to be with him; I still feel the same way.  He's hilarious, truthful especially with the people he really trusts, 6'2, very well-dressed, very handsome (in my opinion), is musically inclined but has two pierced ears, curses for effect (not like a sailor but doesn't never curse) and socially drinks and smokes.

My close friends always told me that my list was too strict and that if I didn't leave room for exceptions, I'd never find a guy 'worthy' enough.  And they were/are right.  I was looking for the perfect man but no such man exists.  Don't get me wrong, though.  I'm not finding excuses for his imperfections; there are some things that definitely aren't perfect about him.  But in not 'dismissing' him for those imperfections made me look at myself before critiquing him or anyone else.  All those things I found fault in before are things I am or have been guilty of.  Blame the college experience or immaturity, I don't care.

So, in getting back to the resolution, I've decided that I need to tell him and come clean about everything.  In all truth, he probably knows.  While he might not be the most observant person on Earth, his close friends are, two of them being people I'm sure know.  I just need for him to hear it from me.

It's been the most frustrating thing- considering my schedule, his schedule, times, places and ears that don't need to hear my life story.  Hopefully, it'll be worth it.

Who knows what'll happen after that, his reaction or whatever.  But I'll know one thing for certain: my first new years resolution will be accomplished.

P.S. He's one of the boys in some of the pics on my background.  :)

Keren

Monday, December 27, 2010

25

Today is December 27th.

Twenty-five years ago today, my parents were married at my mother's home church in the small town of Mercedes, Texas.  My mother was 24 and my father had just turned 30.  They were somewhat young and in love.

They may not be as young anymore, they may need to use glasses to read or have to ask "Can you say that again, please?" occasionally, but they're just as much as in love as they were 25 years ago, maybe more.

This past February, my dad took my mom, my sisters and I to my grandpa's house, just a few steps away from the church they were married in.  It was Valentine's Day, exactly 25 years from the day he proposed.  Like the first time, they were surrounded by their closest family members.  This time, he didn't have a ring but promised to have one by the time their anniversary came around.  Instead, he had a large bouquet of pink roses.

Since then, the big 25 has been a work in progress.  The date was set, the location was booked, flowers arrangements were ordered, linens were chosen, dresses were bought and altered.  Finally, all there was left to do was to wait for the day to arrive.  It's finally here.

It's uncommonly early to see Keren up before 9:00 AM, but special days call for special, early alarm clock rings.  It's only about 2 hours before things start hoppin' round these here parts.  Soon, my aunt will arrive with hot rollers, curling irons, flat irons, bobby pins (can you believe they sell those by the pound now??) and the hairspray will by flying.  I'll get started on my mom and sisters' makeup, full sets of lashes, the works.  My dad has it easy.  All he has to do is get himself dressed.  Sometimes I think women should get paid for having to do their hair and makeup.  It's ridiculously time-consuming.

I have to remember to bring the dinner music- all which I downloaded off Youtube- the music for the surprise my sisters and I have planned for them, tissues, the music for the entrance, the music for their big dance...it's just a never-ending list.  Being the first-born daughter is basically the maid of honor in this case.

All that, of course, will be worth it when I see my parents' faces as their enjoying their night.  Whatever crap is happening they don't need to know.  All they need is to remember their love for each other and how rare an occasion this is nowadays.  It's truly a blessing.


Proposal: The Sequel, February 14, 2010

Keren